The Despondent Goalkeeper

Hawks goalkeeper Ben announced his retirement from the 6-and-under Ridley United spring soccer league today, also stating that he would no longer participate in any other sports leagues ever, and might even refrain from any and all future physical activity. The announcement came shortly after today’s game in which Ben let in two goals, leading to a tough 2-0 loss to the Devils.

Asked whether he’d feel better if had a juice box, Ben responded before the question was even finished with an emphatic "Noooooo!"

With the loss today, the Hawks drop to 0-2 on the season, having lost a 1-0 heartbreaker to the Mustangs last week.

Next Sunday, the Hawks try to get into the win column as they play the Phantoms at the Edgewood Elementary field at 4PM. (Good seats are still available.)

After being persuaded to partake in a post-game granola bar, Ben was presented with the possibility of coming out of retirement next week to play goalie again for the Hawks.

"Maybe" was the reply.

Soccer Wrap-Up

Zach and Phoebe's Red Team split the last two games of their season over the weekend, losing to the Green Team 2-1 on Saturday and beating the Yellow Team 2-1 on Sunday.

Phoebe finishes the season with a few nice defensive stops, a better understanding of the game, and a profound feeling of relief that we will no longer be dragging her over to the soccer field on Saturday mornings.

Zach finishes the season with three goals, some renewed confidence in his athletic abilities, and although he would deny it, some small amount of enthusiasm for soccer that comes from being an active player on a winning team.

Ben liked the fact that his friend Asher was on his soccer team, but overall, he's pretty glad that the season's over.

So what's next for team Houserspawn(tm)? This is a good question, and a bit of a dilemma for us.

Given a choice, the kids would prefer to stay home, read books, play dress-up, do crafts, and play video games. But Linda and I agree that they need to be involved in some sort of team sport or activity during the fall and winter months.

The neighborhood league where they played soccer also sponsors basketball and bowling, so these are likely possibilities. We might also look into karate at the local Y. Frankly, I'm fine with anything that doesn't involve having the kids sitting at home all winter.

Sunday Soccer Highlights

(My apologies for yet another soccer post. I'm increasingly aware that I'm becoming an insufferable Soccer Dad).

Zach and Phoebe's Red Team played the Black Team to a 1-1 draw in their game today.

Phoebe's game continues to improve -- she got more playing time than usual today, and she kept after the ball the entire time she was on the field. She even tried to muscle in front of a much bigger kid while jockeying for position on a throw-in. That's my girl.

Zach's scoring streak extended to three games, as he scored the only Red Team goal. He actually created several scoring chances for himself by working hard, being steadfast in pursuing the play, and playing with a measure of reckless abandon. It is so satisfying to see him have some success this year. I'm proud of my boy.

On the other hand, I'm on the hook for another milkshake, thanks to Zach's goal.

Further evidence that I am becoming an insufferable Soccer Dad:

First, "Soccer" now the most 4th most frequently used label on the Houserspawn(tm) blog, after "Phoebe", "Ben", and "Zach".

Second, I turned down Linda's offer to let me catch the kickoff of the Eagles game this afternoon in order to watch Zach and Phoebe's soccer team play. Frankly, I'm enjoying Red Team soccer more than Eagles football these days.

Another Red Team Win

KEDRON (AP) -- Zach, the boy from down the street, the coach's daughter, and the best player on the team all provided goals in a winning effort as the Red team defeated Yellow 4-0 Saturday, giving Red their third consecutive victory.

It started out looking like it might be a rough day for the Red team, as they had just enough players to field a full team. But even though every available Red player was on the field for the entire game (while Yellow had enough players to rest two at a time), the Yellow team was no match for the Red team's offensive attack.

Zach scored his second goal of the season, earning himself another celebratory milkshake at Nifty Fifty's.

Phoebe played mostly on defense, did a good job paying attention to the game, and even kicked the ball a few times.

The Red team has three more regular season games before the big Parents vs. Kids showdown two weeks from today.

He Shoots, He Scores

Zach scored his first career soccer goal yesterday in his team's game against the Green Team.

Before the game, Coach Vince told Zach that he had a good feeling about him today, and asked him if he thought he could put the ball in the net for him. Zach told him he could, and Coach started him at center.

The game was tied 1-1 when, in the 2nd quarter, the Green goalie misplayed a ball in front of the net, and Zach was there to put it in.

The call (provided by me, while pacing the sidelines and screaming like some kind of unhinged lunatic) went something like this:

"GO, ZACH, THAT'S YOUR BALL! GO GET IT! GO GET IT! SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT!"

"Did it go in? Did it go in the net? YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

His goal put the Red Team up 2-1, and they never looked back. Final score: Red Team 4, Green Team 1.

After the game, the kids and I enjoyed a celebratory meal of burgers, chicken nuggets, and milkshakes at Nifty Fifty's.

Three more weeks in the season - here's hoping for more trips to Nifty's before the season's done.

The Red Team

Zach & Phoebe team had their team pictures taken for soccer on Saturday. I'm not going to remember all of the kids' names, but I'll do my best.

Pictured from left to right: the girl who scored one of the goals last week, the overly-energetic boy that makes the coach crazy, the coach's daughter, the boy with the hair (aka Zach), the girl with the best soccer skills on the team, the girl who sometimes runs out on the field when she's supposed to be on the bench, the quiet girl, and the girl who sometimes reaches down and picks the grass during games (aka Phoebe)

Back row: Coach Vince, and the other guy who helps out

Not pictured: The neighbor's boy who shares Zach's Pokemon obsession (and whose mom forgot about picture day), the boy who had his leg in a cast, and the girl whose mom couldn't find the place where the pictures were being taken

The Four Types of Soccer Parents

In my brief experience as a Soccer Dad, I have found that in general, Soccer Parents can be grouped into one of four categories:

1) The Socializer spends the entire game gabbing with friends, never really paying attention to the game unless the coach is heard calling out the kids name. The Socializer loves having kids in soccer, as it provides an opportunity to catch up on all of the neighborhood gossip. The Socializer is mostly seen talking with other Socializers, but is often spotted talking with Normal Parents as well.

2) The Angry Parent is upset that his/her child forgot the shin pads, or isn't running fast enough, or didn't heed the coach's instructions, or drank all of the Gatorade before the game even started. Angry Parent also gets upset at the coach and the refs, and basically questions every decision made regarding the league, including game location, starting times, and uniform color. Angry Parent is often looking for a sympathetic ear, and is therefore drawn to The Socializer.

3) The Fan is way too into the game, pacing the sidelines, cheering for the kids at an inappropriately loud volume throughout the game. Other parents occasionally give The Fan a bemused glance, causing The Fan to quiet down for a while. But a short time later, The Fan is caught up in the game again, clapping, yelling, and ultimately looking silly. The Fan's natural enemy is The Socializer, who prevents The Fan from paying attention to the game.

4) Finally, the Normal Parent sits back and enjoys the game, allows the coach do the coaching, and does not overwhelm the kids with lots of yelling. Normal Parent does not pace up and down the sidelines, does not indulge in excessive yelling, and does not get angry at the kids or the refs. Nevertheless, Normal Parent interacts easily with parents with any of the other three groups.

So which am I?

I am The Fan. I can't help myself. I never imagined that I'd be someone who gets all keyed up at my kids' soccer games. It is soccer, after all. But there I am each week, yelling and cheering like a crazy person.

Below: This is what Ben (his game finished up earlier in the day) was doing while I was carrying on at Zach and Phoebe's game last Sunday.

Soccer Star

Last year, Zach (at 6 years old) was one of the youngest kids on his soccer team. (The age range is from 6-8 years old.) He did ok, but most of the other kids were older, stronger, and faster, and so Zach didn't play very aggresively, and wasn't a big part of the action.

This year, it's a different story. Zach is much more confident, and has a much better grasp of what's happening on the field. Even more than that, he isn't nearly as passive as he was last year. He's not afraid to get after the ball and challenge the players on the opposing team.

In his game last Sunday, he even had a nice scoring opportunity (where his shot hit the post). Last year, shots on goal just didn't happen for him, as he was always a step or two behind the play.

Zach's team lost 3-2, but I was pretty proud of our soccer star.

Rained Out

Even though there was no rain in the forecast, it poured shortly before the kids' soccer games were scheduled to start this morning.

As the photo illustrates, reactions among Team Houserspawn(tm) were mixed.

Soccer Draft Countdown

Our local youth soccer league is drafting teams tonight, so workouts were held over the weekend to give the players one final opportunity to impress their coaches.

Once the kids passed their drug tests, they were cleared to participate in a variety of drills designed to help the coaches evaluate the talent pool available to them.

Team Houserspawn(tm) performed particularly well in the 40 yard dash and vertical jump, but they didn't stand out as much as I would have liked in the bench press and dead lift.

I didn't see their final Wonderlic scores, but I'm hoping that these help their draft position.


The big disappointment in this whole process is that the draft is not being televised live on our local access cable station.

Can we maybe get this on ESPN2 next year?

Houserspawn(tm) United

This is Team Houserspawn(tm) after their first soccer practice of the season.

My primary goal for next practice is to get shin pads and cleats on all three kids in under 30 minutes.