Benjamin Houser Protection Services

Newly minted Green Belt Ben Houser is accepting new clients as he offers his personal protection services to the public.

Specialties include:

- board break

- roundhouse kick

- elbow strike

- triple punch

- hammer fist

Actual protection shall take the form of blocking kicks and punches, as well as performing jumping jacks, crunches, and pushups. Also, the basic forms for staff and nunchuk can be demonstrated upon request.

Our pledge to you is that we will always adhere to the following credes:

Student creed #1: I will develop myself in a positive manner, and avoid anything that will reduce my mental growth and physical health.

Student creed #2: I will use common sense before self-defense and never be abusive or offensive.

More about us:

- Belts achieved include white, yellow, orange, orange stripe, and green.

- Don't try to show me how to improve my technique! I already know how to do it!

- I only like sparring when my opponent is a little bigger than me, not a lot bigger.

- When I'm done, I like to have Gatorade. It has to be Gatorade, not water.

Contact us today for a FREE consultation!

We Will accept payment in the form of milkshakes from Nifty Fifties.

Phoebe's Building Company

Phoebe's Building Company is now taking orders for new construction of residential and professional buildings. We'll work with you every step of the way to ensure that your new home or office facility meets your specifications, but we get to pick out what kind to build. Don't worry, we know what we're doing.

Your new building is guaranteed to be colorful, have doors and windows that actually open and close, and have a roof that comes off so that you can see inside.

Many buildings come with a complimentary spaceship.

More about us:

- We specialize in buildings for people standing no more than 1-1/2" high, and we work primarily with Lego blocks

- We can use the instructions, or we can just make up our own house

- If we get tired of building, it's ok. We'll come back and finish it later

- We can do it ourselves -- we don't need any help!

- If you are one of my brothers, NO YOU MAY NOT USE MY PIECES! I need them to finish my house!

Contact us today for a free consulatation with our Chief Architect and Master Builder!

Ben's Chauffeur Service

Need a ride?

Contact Houserspawn(tm) today and let Ben's Chauffeur Service do the driving! With several months of experience, NO ONE in the business is more skilled at driving in circular patterns at a controlled speed than our semi-professional driver.

Whether you prefer to travel by bumper car, train, boat, or go-kart, Ben's Chauffeur Service is the way to go!

TERMS & CONDITIONS: Driver will decide when and where to pick up and drop off. Passengers must purchase their own ride tickets.

Also, riders may NOT sound bells, car horns, or train whistles! These are for the driver only!

Passengers may have to get out and wait for the next ride if there is not enough room in the vehicle.

No refunds.

Ben's Chauffeur Service may or may not comply with local child labor laws.

Ben's Photography

Ben's Photography - Semi-professional photography at affordable prices.

Specializing in photographing cats and ultra-close-ups since July 2007!

Why trust your special event to "professionals" who bring along all kinds of extra equipment, take hundreds of pictures, and charge you thousands of dollars? At Ben's photography, we save you money by only taking a few pictures of people (and any cats you might have) at your event at extremely close proximity using Mommy's old digital camera. It's the best value in photography!

Our guarantee: We will take pictures at your wedding, portrait sitting, or corporate event, and we'll let you see them if you promise to let me push the buttons. (I like to hold the camera!)

Contact Houserspawn(tm) today for pricing and appointments!

PLEASE NOTE: Photos are not guaranteed to meet client specifications. Our photographer can not work in any location that requires him to cross the street (unless he is holding Mommy or Daddy's hand). Ben's Photography may or may not comply with local child labor laws.