Monster Jam

On Friday night, Linda's dad and I took Zach and Ben to a monster truck show. Here's the play-by-play:

6:27 PM - Leaving for the show, Ben decides that he does not want to see monster trucks, repeating over and over again: "I don't want to go to the truck show!" He finally gives up the fight, and climbs into his car seat.

7:02 PM - At monster truck shows, we learn that not only are there ticket scalpers in the parking lot; the earplug black market is thriving. (Fortunately, we brought our own.)

7:15 PM - Before the show starts, the announcer comes out to present the agenda for the evening. He describes, in detail, the various events we are about to witness, the order in which these events are to occur, and questions us repeatedly regarding our readiness to observe said events. In fact, we are asked no less than six times: "ARE YOU READY FOR MONSTER JAM?!"

7:34 PM - The monster trucks roar into the arena! There are eight of them, they are very loud, and they slowly parade around the perimeter of the performance area.

7:41 PM - Monster Jam can't officially start until we honor our fire fighters, the police, America, and the brave men and women who fight for our freedom. A large American flag is slowly unfurled while a recording of Lee Greenwood singing about how he feels to be an American (proud, in case you're wondering) is played over the PA system. Then a local high school sophomore delivers an agreeable performance of our national anthem to a stadium full of people wearing earplugs.

7:46 PM - Each monster truck takes a turn running over a line of four cars. Each run is given a score, not all that much unlike a figure skating competition. I don't know what criteria they use exactly, but "getting air" is definitely encouraged. The winner is a monster truck called Gravedigger, which is apparently one of Monster Jam's most popular attractions. (After the fact, I learned that this was called the "Wheelie Competition")

7:59 PM - While setting up for the next event, there is a go-cart race with "Team New York" racing against "Team Philadelphia". The Team New York captain is a typical pro-wrestling-style heel who taunts the fans after Team New York wins the first heat. Can Team Philly come back, win the next heat, and take the go-kart competition? We can only hope.

8:03 PM - The monster trucks now have a racing tournament where each truck needs to drive up and over four cars to the finish line. Each race takes about five minutes to set up and about 10 seconds to run. A truck called Monster Mutt, decorated like a giant dog, wins the tournament. Blue cotton candy is consumed, and Zach and Ben are covered in blue sticky goo.

8:22 PM - Time for intermission, during which they have little remote controlled trucks drive around on the track. This is surprisingly entertaining, with the crowd reacting to the toy trucks with almost as much enthusiasm as the actual monster trucks. The blue cotton candy situation is remedied during a quick trip to the men's room.

8:41 PM - Next is the motorcycle jumping portion of the show. They have ramps set up, and three motorcyclists take turns jumping and doing tricks.

8:53 PM - A quick survey of the Houserspawn(tm) reveals that they have seen enough Monster Jam for one night, and are ready to beat the traffic and get home.

9:28 PM - Upon arriving home, Ben (who should be exhausted by now) chatters to Linda and Nana excitedly about the show - particularly the motorcycle jumpers - until we are able to get him settled down and ready for bed.

All in all, a fun boys night out for the Houserspawn(tm). The girls, by the way, went to see the new Spiderwick movie. I am told that it was great, even if it was completely devoid of EXTREME MONSTER TRUCK ACTION!!!