Story Time

Once upon a time, there lived a family of farm animals: Daddy Cow, Zachary Cow, Phoebe Pig, and Benjamin Sheep.

One day, the animal family decided to go visit Linvilla Orchards.

When they arrived, Daddy Cow became confused about his gender, given the fact that he had horns, but also had an udder.

Benjamin the Sheep recognized Daddy Cow's gender identification concern and declared "My favorite color is GREEN!"

"I want to go eat some macaroni and cheese," added Phoebe the Pig, "for I am a pig, and I like to eat macaroni and cheese!"

Zachary, who was a metrosexual bovine like his father, stopped to think.

He wondered why he and his father were cows, while his sister was a pig and his brother a sheep.

How could this be?

And while he liked being a cow, but he couldn't help but wonder whether he would be happier as a pig.

Then, suddenly and inexplicably, Phoebe the Pig transformed into a sheep.

She looked down to the ground in dismay, for she knew that sheep do not eat macaroni and cheese.

Phoebe the Sheep grew increasingly concerned as Zachary took the rather grotesque form of a pig with a human leg growing out of it's head, and Benjamin became a duck with a human scalp for a face.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Most Determined

Zach was recognized at his Swim Team Banquet (if hot dogs and burgers on the lawn by the pool counts as a banquet) last weekend. He got the award for Most Determined.

Given that we have been emphasizing the importance of hard work with Zach since reading this (highly recommended) article several months ago, his Most Determined award is most welcome.

Swimming lesson

As I was watching Phoebe and Ben during their swimming lesson, they seemed to be having an impassioned discussion. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but here is how I imagined their conversation:

Phoebe: Tell me, Benjamin, why is it that Mom and Dad are compelled to have us learn to swim? Is not swimming an inherently dangerous activity?

Ben: Oh, it is! Did you know that Cryptosporidiosis is an extremely contagious parasite that is immune to chlorine-based treatments and requires a specific antibiotic to treat?

Phoebe: People are not made to dwell in the waters, but on the dry land, as God intended.

Ben: Perhaps not. Tom Sietas of Hamburg, Germany holds the records for holding his breath underwater, doing so for 9 minutes and 8 seconds.

Phoebe: This man you speak of, he is no mere human! He is a member of the Merfolk race, that is, humanoids that live underwater. A merfolk has the upper body, arms, and head of a fair-featured human, and instead of legs it has the scaled tail of a great fish.

Ben: Why must you speak of such nonsense? I refuse to listen any longer!

Have you seen this girl?

WANTED

For violating ordinance 2892, Article IV, Section 3
(adopted into law by the the Southwest Harbor City Council on November 13, 2006):

Any individual found to be willfully causing material harm to any plant, animal, or natural formation in a Federally Protected National Park shall be liable to a prison term of up to five (5) years and a fine of up to ten thousand (10,000) US dollars.

Age: approx 6 yrs old
Height: approx 44 in
Weight: approx 49 lbs
Aliases: responds to "Princess", "Fairie Realm"

A $5,000 cash reward is being offered for any information leading to the capture of this dangerous fugitive.

Lost in the Woods

The Houser children try to find their way back to civilization after being abandoned by their parents in the forests of Acadia National Park in Maine.

Captain Zach

Come all you young sailormen, listen to me /
I'll sing you a song of the fish in the sea

Zach, in his debut solo flight, pilots a kayak around the harbor.

Fairie Realm

Phoebe sports her "Fairie Realm" nametag during our sightseeing boat ride in Maine last week. (We went by pseudonyms during the ride -- Allen was "Tom Cruise", Linda was "Destiny", and Benjamin was "Mr. Pants".)

The Giant Rocks of Death

danger [deyn-jer] -noun
1. liability or exposure to harm or injury; risk; peril
2. an instance or cause of peril; menace

Last week, we vacationed in Southwest Harbor, Maine. We spent much of the week swimming, hiking, and kayaking. But the kids didn't enjoy any of these activities quite as much as climbing on the Giant Rocks of Death.

Three of the hiking trails we walked ended up at the Giant Rocks of Death - a long stretch of rocky shoreline that proved irresistable to the kids. If we would have made the Death Rocks off-limits, we surely would have been accused of ruining their vacation, if not their lives. On the other hand, the rocks are just dangerous enough to make a parent feel irresponsible for allowing their children to play on them.

So, as usual, we erred on the side of irresponsibility, and let the kids jump around perilously on the rocky shore. They couldn't have been happier.

In the end, we walked away from the Giant Rocks of Death relatively unscathed -- Phoebe took a spill on the path on the way to the rocks, but other than that, there were no injuries to speak of.

Maybe next time, we should let them jump around the rocks on pogo sticks. Or roller skates.

(left: Ben asks "Am I making you nervous, Mom and Dad? How about now?")